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thoughts from the bus stop

August 25, 2010

Today is Wednesday. In the past I would have been doing a photo challenge post. With the ending of that project I had an idea for today’s post but I have decide on something else. Something on the sentimental side ’cause I haven’t made myself cry lately and any day is a good day to shed some healthy tears. So I share with you my thoughts as I waited for the bus with my daughter this morning.

This girl. She amazes me. In so many ways.
at the bus stop

Sometimes I feel as if my heart is going to burst.
at the bus stop

Other times I feel as if I need to run away fast to catch a break from the constant questions and challenges she represents.
at the bus stop

Not because I want to escape my duties as a mom. Rather because I have no idea what I am doing.
When it comes down to the knitty gritty I’m making this up as I go. She doesn’t know that. She thinks I’m mean and unfair. Sometimes she thinks I just want to make her life miserable. There is no escaping even if I wanted it. It won’t get easier, I know this. One challenge left behind just leads into another at the next stage. How does a parent deal with that foreboding?

I have no idea. So I do what I’m good at with her. I listen, ask questions, talk and laugh. We read books and color. And I trust in the things she does know. When she asks what my first days were like I tell her everything that I can remember. If she asks me to retell a story about my childhood, I retell it, and maybe give a new true detail. When she tells me about her fears of death and heaven, I tell her that I am afraid of the same things. Who knew that parenting was going to be this reflective?

Not I.

So when I’m standing at the bus stop watching her climb the steps and following her through the windows to her seat and waiting for her to see me waving fanatically, I’m waiting for that smile and roll of the eyes to tell me how silly she thinks I am. I’m waiting for the return of a smile. A care-free, happy to be me kind of smile….
It feels so good to be part of that.

Until next time,

2 Comments leave one →
  1. August 25, 2010 5:45 pm

    I love this entry… being a mom is the best job ever.

    • Victoria permalink*
      August 25, 2010 11:15 pm

      Thanks, Bren. Yes it is. And also the most challenging thing I have ever done :)

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